We read a story in our reading books called “Pepita talks twice”. A young girl begins to feel the frustration of speaking two languages. Her skill of translating things from English to Spanish and Spanish to English starts to cause her problems. She is missing out on things because she Is needing to help others. She begins to just see the unfairness of it all and her focus shifts to that unfairness. My favorite line in the whole story occurs more than once “and her grumble grew”. What started out as a small frustration grew as her thoughts began to focus on what she perceives as unfairness.
I have lived this out the last few weeks. My frustration on a situation that I can in no way change has cause my grumble to grow. It’s amazing how quickly it happens. Every thought focused on my frustration…my grumble grows. Each word I speak about my frustration….my grumble grows. My grumble has become quite large. I realize that it has caused great discouragement and exhaustion. I’m tired….. oh so tired and I realize so much of that can be traced back to the energy that is used to focus on what I have no power to change.
More important than any of that is the realization that this growing grumble is hiding His light in me. How dare I allow my selfish frustrations and concerns dim the light of the Lord in my life. There are people all around me who need to see His love and beauty. They need to see their need for Him, to see how much He loves them, how much He longs for them. Deeply longs for them.
Fair or not fair I believe God can and will use it for his glory. Am I allowing him too? To use me? Or am I instead allowing myself to be used by the grumble that is growing within me? It is truth that what is happening is not right, but as I so often tell my students, I need to worry about me. How am I going to react? How will I respond? Because people are watching and I am responsible for what they see in me. Do I want them to see my grumble or do I want them to see my heart for the Lord? Will I choose to feel sorry for myself or will I feel thankful and blessed that God has me in a situation where his grace can show through?
Tonight I lay my burdens down. I give him my oh so heavy and discouraged heart. I trust him to dry my tears and I will rest in him. tomorrow may my grumble begin to shrink as I focus on and speak of my Jesus. As that grumble shrinks, may His light shine brighter as I say “Lord use me.”. For it is Him I work for…….in ALL I do.
Lord it’s in your hands!