Dorthy was so right…….there is no place like home. There is a sense of peace, belonging, stability about being at the place you call home. The sounds, the smells, the sights, and the routines that we establish at home are why it is our home. Home contains memories, history and a future. It is so much less about the structure in which your home exists as it is the “home” that exists in the structure. It is true that if walls could talk they would have much to tell.
I think that we as humans have an inbred longing to be “home”. We need it, we miss it, we long for it, we strive to find it and work to make places feel like home.
The last four weeks I have longed for home. I feel unsettled, disjointed, rattled and misplaced. Don’t get me wrong I know I am so blessed. I have never had to worry about having a place to lay my head or where I would get my next meal. I am one of the lucky ones…..so blessed, so thankful. But that hasn’t taken away my longing. It hasn’t changed that I feel a little lost, that each hotel room I go into, each bed I borrow, I strive to find a way to make it feel as much like home as possible. I want to go HOME so badly, I want to be where I feel comfortable where I know I belong. I want to go HOME. If Dorthy was right and you could click your heals together I would be home by now…..trust me. 🙂
Don’t get me wrong, things are moving along, people are working (my parents are there right now nailing floors) progress is being made and I will be home soon. Soon.
The truth is that when I move back into that house that the Lord has blessed me with, that so many people have put their time and effort into I will still not truly be HOME.
I have a longing for another home. A home with my heavenly father. There is so much comfort in knowing that this world is not my home. That this is not truly where I belong. It is a wonderful place where I am surrounded by amazing people who love me and care for me. There is a job that I love and am passionate about. A family that many would love to have. Friends who are simply the best in the world. Great adventures, lots of laughter, love, joy, fun and beauty. But there are also struggles, hard times, plans that fall through, loss that crushes you, fear that can rule your thoughts and longings that can never be filled this side of Heaven. In my amazingly blessed life for which I am beyond thankful for, (how did I get so lucky?) I have had great pain, pain that has left me unable to find my next breath, tears that would not stop falling, loss that seemed impossible to get past. I have known what if feels like to be broken in a million pieces.
When I think about those times there are two things that I feel………..pain, I still feel some pain in those memories, but stronger than that is the feeling of being deeply and infinitely grateful. Grateful for the pain, the loss, the brokenness. Grateful for the hard times. For it is in those times that I long most for my real home. The one where I crawl into my Heavenly Father’s arms and rest, truly rest. Where there is no pain, no longing, no fear and no struggle. The home that he has prepared for me. To be with the one who knows me better than I know myself and yet loves me with a deeper love than words can describe. The one that longs for me as much as I long for Him. The one who literally gave His life for me. The one who is passionate about me and longs for me to come Home.
In the meantime I walk through this life with the Lord by my side. Praying that I will make him proud in EVERY situation that comes my way. That I will see what it is that he longs for me to do while I am on this earth. To love others the way He loves me. So no matter what the day brings I fall to my knees and praise Him, thank Him and give Him all the glory. I am filled with joy simply to be His child.
I will go to my house today and try to put some of the pieces back together. I will clean, rearrange, organize and “nest”. I will prepare to go home when I am able. As I do those things I will not forget to continue to prepare and strive for my real home. My longing for my earthly home will be met, but I pray that the longing for my Heavenly home continues to grow each an everyday. May I spend my life living and preparing for the day I will crawl into the lap of my Heavenly Father and at last truly be HOME!
Lord it’s in your hands!